Separation During Basic Training And Ways to Help You Survive.

Life hit me hard when I found out that my husband would be leaving me for some time to start his military journey. I couldn’t actually grip the thought of being away from him for 4months at a time.4 MONTHS? Whew! We’ve never, and I mean never been apart from each other. We had our own apartment at the time so we weren’t hard to miss. Anything we ever done was as a family. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to be ready but I knew he was doing it for us. For a fresh start.

Loneliness is tough. Tough for regular people but especially tough for military families. Today I give you 6 tips on how I help handle my loneliness during this time of separation! Sometimes it is still difficult don’t get me wrong. However, these things help/helped me dramatically! Currently I am in the last phase of being away from him but with these simple tips you will be a little more at ease.

ONE // Don’t hibernate at home

Get out. Mingle with friends. Take a walk. Go grocery shopping. ANYTHING. Don’t waste precious moments coddling your pillow and watching lifetime movies all day. I mean that was me. I was so bored and drove myself nuts. I didn’t want to be around anyone, and even times I had the opportunity to I turned it down I was that sad. Enjoy some fresh air. Take the kids out and play with them. Listen, kids these days will make you laugh they are so humorous they’ll be sure to put a smile on your face. I know my girls did.

TWO // Read a good book

Nowadays there are so many good, interesting books out I could recommend so many and especially if you’re married. Ive always believed in bettering my relationship by reading and getting others advice about marriage and even if things are going great things could be doing even greater. Books stimulate your mind and gets your thoughts in the right place. When my husband went away I ordered two books, (well one that I sent to him for a gift and the other for myself) one called Women Who Run With the Wolves, and The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. Such good reads that will be sure to keep you tuned in and focused!

THREE // Write them… everyday

This may sound like a bit too much but your soldier is depending on letters everyday. While they’re gone getting worked to death whether its in the hot sun or freezing cold.. they need all of the uplifting words they can get from you. They need those words of encouragement from the ones they love. Remind them of how proud you are of them. Tell them about your day. Ask them to share things about their day as well. Send pictures of you and the kids (or not if you have none) and send affirmation quotes. It helps!

FOUR // Don’t count on phone calls

Don’t rely on getting a phone call. Assuming you won’t get a call and receiving one would be better than hoping for one and never getting it.

FIVE // Keep your phone close

Even though you might not get many calls or might have to wait a long time for them ..keep your phone close by at all times. Calls won’t be planned and I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve missed a phone call and would beat myself up about it. The moment they depend on are the moments when they can finally call to vent to you and share their experiences far with you.

SIX // Engage with other spouses/girlfriends

See if you can find other spouses or girlfriends who have someone in basic when you do. There might be a Facebook group you can join which I did which helped me deal with the process a little easier being you know someone else is going through the same exact thing. Perhaps, exchanging numbers and checking on eachother time after time.

SEVEN // Partake in some retail therapy

EIGHT// Time will fly

Before you know it you’ll be planning a trip to see him at graduation , and then he’ll be PCS to his first duty station. The time will go by so fast when you’re not counting down every second by every minute. You’ll just drive yourself nuts. Instead if you want to make it easier count down by weeks instead. I always told myself “one day at a time Amber”.

I say all of this to say that the first couple of weeks will be the hardest.. but it will all come to an end soon and you’ll be back reunited with your significant other in no time. Leave some things below that helped you cope with separation.

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Let Go, and Move On

I don’t know a better way to display this title other than what it says. I bet some of you are wondering why I chose this photo for this specific blog post. This picture right here really signifies how I feel at this current moment. For once in my life I feel so free. I feel happy and at peace of all things. I removed bad toxins, and energy. I put my best foot forward and I realized my WORTH. That’s so important. Knowing your value. Whether that means to remove toxic relationships with friends or family.

I battled this for a very long time. I was so depressed, sad and just felt alone. Nothing made sense. Everyday I would feel like no one loved me. The friends I thought loved me and were in my corner never seemed to show that I was important. I would reach out and wouldn’t even get a response. Do you know how that could make a person feel? It’s like all of those years of building a connection was a complete waste. Important? I felt at no capacity. I was forgotten about in so many ways. My heart was broken, and I tried to display an apathetic feeling but I could’nt even fake it. I was hurt and it took a toll on me for a very long time where my energy reflected and my whole vibe and interaction was off. We need friends to ignite that part of our brain that makes us feel good. I needed that increase of belonging and purpose. A friend to help me cope with certain traumas.

I was feeling so bad for myself. It’s a sad reality that there are times we just have to let go, and move on. This goes for romantic partnerships, work situations, living conditions, and professional relationships. It’s that tough situation of balance between perseverance and self-preservation. Realize what’s important and what makes you happy. It gets difficult when you have to recognize when it’s just time to say goodbye. I’m a good person. With a pure heart. And sweet spirit. I deserve better. In every aspect. And you do as well!

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.

This Is Me…Then

As I’ve gotten older I’ve really gotten more intune with myself. To remind you I’m only 24 years old and I’m still figuring myself out (in my opinion is okay being I have alot of more growth to develop). I sometimes find myself comparing my path to others and not realizing that everyone’s timing is different and we all put in different amounts of work everyday to get where we’d like to be. I wasn’t being realistic. I was expecting life to expectedly just happen for me the way I’d liked it to and figure itself out.

We determine how we perform in everyday life. You are what you think. We become what we listen to and read. When you think negative thoughts into your spirit it becomes your reality. I wasn’t setting a positive image for myself nor thinking in a positive way.

I’m sharing this because I have cemented stories about myself that I came to grips about that were not true. And I was just so sick and tired and upset that I was believing the negative and not the person I actually was INSIDE. One thing is for sure It has not been the easiest of my time. It was actually a hard phase/process in my life that took me awhile to overcome and I’m still figuring myself out but I’ve become better and more at ease when dealing with it. Figure out what you want, and why you want it in the first place.

                 HERE’S THE THINGS I FIGURED OUT ABOUT MYSELF:

I am beautiful. For what I can remember I’ve literally always thought I wasn’t nice looking enough. I used to go to family gatherings and parties from time to time and see other women I caught comparing myself to, or seeing other women on Instagram and other social media platforms with the banging bodies and blooming/bright skin. I wanted to be her. Their were many days I cried and wished to be someone else.

I was judging myself so harshly and couldn’t believe I was forcing a lie to be the truth. I just had to be aware of my flaws and accept them as everyone has them.

I am confident.  As opposed to this I’ve always masked my insecurities. I was portraying the image of being diffident. Timid and shy. I was for sure lacking conviction. I allowed that label to dictate my social and personal life. I have so much more confidence to build within myself, and some days I still find myself questioning my thoughts and self judgment because I didn’t really know what self-confidence was and how i could find it in me until I realized I was building this foundation of comparing my past experiences and just… life mishaps instead of basing it on the here and now. And, guess what? Eventually I began to take risks, speak positive words to myself and believe that it is OK to fail. Failure is not fatal. Pick your head up and reclaim that confident mind frame and just know that what we temporarily feel is normal because we’re all humans and it’s OK.

I am interesting. I painted this image of myself that if I wasn’t out at the bars, or club hopping I wasn’t being interesting. Everyone portrays fun in different ways. I have fun in the kitchen. I have fun binge watching my favorite Netflix series. I have fun laying in bed reading a good book or listening to some soothing music. (I love Sade) and to me fun can be implemented in so many ways. Let no one tell you otherwise. Be you. Do the things that allow you to be the happiest you.

When I look back and think about how silly I was to pick this new person from the real me and turn her into reality you wouldv’e thought I had lost myself completely.. But i’ve gripped the truth about myself and told myself I will try to never force myself to think negatively about who I am and if I do i’ll quickly suppress the thought. And if you find yourself doing the same remember how far you’ve come with facing the truth.

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